


Kai x Jesus

by bolhasoup



Category: Christian Bible, Religion & Lore - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23939617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bolhasoup/pseuds/bolhasoup
Summary: Kai finds himself face to face with Jesus Christ after checking into a mysterious hotel, will he ever be able to check out?!





	Kai x Jesus

Kai inserted his hotel key into the slot, turning the handle and entering the room once the small light flashed green. He flicked on the lights and inhaled the stale air of the hotel room, the room was seemingly lost in a moment of time, perfectly made as though no one had ever set foot in it or laid on its bed. As he walked around on the carpeted floor, he saw that the complimentary Bible, which normally was put in a drawer or under the nightstand was on the cover of the bed, as though placed by an ethereal hand.

He thought nothing of it as he returned it to the desk drawer and made his way over to the shower, the drive there was long and tiring, and Kai was exhausted, turning into this hotel despite it only being 6pm. He set the water temperature of the bath to hot before undressing, taking a moment to admire how flat and muscular his chest was. Steam filled the small bathroom as the water heated up, causing the mirror to fog up and ending Kai’s admiration of his masculine physique.

The bath was incredibly refreshing, washing off the stress and weariness brought about by the long car trip. Kai felt as though he was drifting into the pearly gates of Heaven, carried by clouds and angels. The warm water nearly caused Kai to fall asleep in the bath, slipping just below the water line before waking up in a coughing fit from accidentally inhaling water.

Stepping out of the bath, he noticed that his clothes were not where he had left them and were now nowhere in sight. He cautiously opened the door to the rest of his room after wrapping a towel around his waist. As he turned the corner, he noticed a figure sitting on his bed, seemingly glowing with an odd light and reading the Bible which Kai had placed in the nightstand. “How did you get in my room? Who are you?” Kai asked, reaching for something to defend himself.

After a few moments, the figure looked up from his book, and smiled warmly at Kai. “You know who I am, Kai, I’m Jesus”, he said bluntly. Unsurprisingly, the confusion Kai felt was not helped by this explanation, if anything it made it worse. Kai began to feel a headache come on. The supposed Jesus stood up and walked towards Kai, a righteous look blazed in his eyes as he addressed Kai. “You’re probably thinking that I’m not really here, that I’m only a figment of your imagination, or perhaps you believe that you’re currently dying and that this is the method your mind is using in order to cope” He said flatly.

Kai pondered his words for a moment, surely Jesus wasn’t real, and if he was, why would he appear in front of him at this weird hotel. Finally, Kai brought his eyes up to face Jesus’, and asked what the purpose of his visit was. In response, Jesus began to laugh, as though the answer was obvious, but Kai was just too foolish to see it. Suddenly, his expression changed, the mirth and joy was gone, replaced by a serious look on his face.

“You fell asleep while driving and rammed into an oncoming truck, you died instantly.” These words nearly made Kai faint. He was dead? This was purgatory? Was he about to be sent to Hell? After what had seemed like an eternity passed, Kai shakily mustered the courage to speak. “Is there any way I can avoid going to Hell?” he asked tentatively.  


Now it was Jesus’ turn to be confused, scratching his head for a brief moment before finally realizing what Kai had asked. “Good Heavens! No, you’re not going to Hell just yet. I’m sorry to inform you but there was a slight altercation in your creation process, you were originally going to be a male before our newest intern spilled coffee on your sheet. Sorry about that!” He explained. “Due to this we wanted to give you a chance to live the correct life but didn’t want to reclaim you so soon after you were born. So, God and I decided that once you ‘died’ we would fix our error and send you back to the world”.

Kai needed a moment to think about this. This entire situation was completely absurd. If this is all it took to get face to face with Jesus, then why hadn’t he shown himself earlier? “If I died in a car crash then how are the paramedics just supposed to accept that my mangled corpse just came back to life?” He pondered. “Oh, that’s actually quite simple, they’ll just chalk it up to restarting your heart or something, call it a miracle and that’ll be that. Its amazing how far medicine has progressed…” Jesus answered.

Kai glanced up at the title of the page, an expression of horror slowly developing on his face. “If the title is ‘Kai x Jesus’, does that mean that we’re going to have sex at some point in this fanfic?” he asked, apprehensive of the answer and preparing to jump out the window. Jesus looked up and read the title, apparently having not taken any notice of it previously. Eventually, Jesus came to a conclusion, and turned back towards Kai. “The short answer is no, this is a lighthearted story to make you laugh, the long answer is… well sort of, you see, when you die, you have a massive orgasm, think of it like God’s way of compensating you for your untimely demise. Being resurrected causes you to orgasm as well. So, when you finally awake, I conclude that you will have came a total of… 19 times” he said, adding up the factors in his head. “But the paramedics?!? I’ll be mortified!” Kai responded indignantly. “Sorry, nothing I can do about it.” Jesus said, snapping his fingers and disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

Kai sat up suddenly, doctors had crowded around him, one of them holding a pair of defibrillator paddles. “He’s alive! It’s a miracle!”, one of them exclaimed. Kai shakily stood up, he felt jizz drip down his chest. Gross.


End file.
